The words I need to say

my heart beats rapidly in my chest
my eyes can't see see past the promises
my hopes fall behind this wall
I can't seem to break down

The words are there at the tip of my tongue
Afraid to be voiced for I know what they'll do

The words I need to say
They won't ever be enough
They will never get through
I need you to hear the truth

This is what I need you to know

I hide within myself
self preservation at it's finest
I keep it all locked away
knowing you'll never understand why

The words are there at the tip of my tongue
Afraid to be voiced for I know what they'll do

The words I need to say
They won't ever be enough
They will never get through
I need you to hear the truth
This is what I need you to know

Never knew you to be this way

I can't recall it ever being like this
How'd we get to this place?
Was it something I said?
Or something you did?

How'd we get here?
Because I really don't know

Never knew you to be this way
Taking yourself away
Are you better off?
Cause I'm not so sure
How could you be so cold?

All our memories are tainted
Childhood games no longer have a place
Who knew growing up, that'd be the case
Never could have imagined we'd end up like this

How'd we get here?
Because I really don't know

Never knew you to be this way
Taking yourself away
Are you better off?
Cause I'm not so sure
How could you be so cold?

It's hard to remember
How it was before
All hell broke loose
How could you actually choose?

The day you understand
It'll be too late
Tragedy already struck

How'd we get here?
Because I really don't know

Never knew you to be this way
Taking yourself away
Are you better off?
Cause I'm not so sure
How could you be so cold?

It's not supposed to be like this
It's hard to believe it actually is
I never let my tears fall
Because I know you don't care at all

As the time goes by
Everything seems like a lie
How can that be?
Why'd you have to leave

How'd we get here?
How'd we get here?
How'd we get here?
I never knew you to be this way
Never knew you to be this way
You to be this way

Hardest Part

I'm not completely sure how we wound up here. In all honesty I can't remember much at all. It's scary trying to pinpoint the moment that you decided you no longer cared. Was it easy?

What was the hardest part? Was it letting go? Was it the decision?

Here's the hardest part:

Waking up is the hardest part.

Missing you is the hardest part.

Not understanding is the hardest part.

The lies are the hardest part.

The deceit is the hardest part.

The betrayal is the hardest part.

Reality is the hardest part.

The wondering is the hardest part.

Life without you is the hardest part.

Worrying is the hardest part.

The memories are the hardest part.

The days apart are the hardest part.

The sadness is the hardest part. 

The pain is the hardest part.

Everything and Everyday are the hardest part.

So let me ask you this. Is it worth it?

I dwell on it...

It hurts. Sometimes I forget. Then other times I dwell on it. This isn't easy.

The days no one asks are the easiest. The days your name comes up, brings out the anger, the sadness and disbelief. The days after brings it all back, the pain, the agony and torture. 

How do we get past this? Where do we go from here? How do we move on?

Nothing will be the same. Too much damage to go back to the way things were before.

The days I miss you are the hardest. The days I remember are the saddest. I wish it was easy to truly forget. That it could be easy to forgive.

You were supposed to always be there for me. I've spent my whole life looking up to you. Never Imagined this is where we'd end up.

It hurts. Sometimes I forget. Then the other times I dwell on it. This will never be easy.