The words I need to say

my heart beats rapidly in my chest
my eyes can't see see past the promises
my hopes fall behind this wall
I can't seem to break down

The words are there at the tip of my tongue
Afraid to be voiced for I know what they'll do

The words I need to say
They won't ever be enough
They will never get through
I need you to hear the truth

This is what I need you to know

I hide within myself
self preservation at it's finest
I keep it all locked away
knowing you'll never understand why

The words are there at the tip of my tongue
Afraid to be voiced for I know what they'll do

The words I need to say
They won't ever be enough
They will never get through
I need you to hear the truth
This is what I need you to know

Never knew you to be this way

I can't recall it ever being like this
How'd we get to this place?
Was it something I said?
Or something you did?

How'd we get here?
Because I really don't know

Never knew you to be this way
Taking yourself away
Are you better off?
Cause I'm not so sure
How could you be so cold?

All our memories are tainted
Childhood games no longer have a place
Who knew growing up, that'd be the case
Never could have imagined we'd end up like this

How'd we get here?
Because I really don't know

Never knew you to be this way
Taking yourself away
Are you better off?
Cause I'm not so sure
How could you be so cold?

It's hard to remember
How it was before
All hell broke loose
How could you actually choose?

The day you understand
It'll be too late
Tragedy already struck

How'd we get here?
Because I really don't know

Never knew you to be this way
Taking yourself away
Are you better off?
Cause I'm not so sure
How could you be so cold?

It's not supposed to be like this
It's hard to believe it actually is
I never let my tears fall
Because I know you don't care at all

As the time goes by
Everything seems like a lie
How can that be?
Why'd you have to leave

How'd we get here?
How'd we get here?
How'd we get here?
I never knew you to be this way
Never knew you to be this way
You to be this way

Hardest Part

I'm not completely sure how we wound up here. In all honesty I can't remember much at all. It's scary trying to pinpoint the moment that you decided you no longer cared. Was it easy?

What was the hardest part? Was it letting go? Was it the decision?

Here's the hardest part:

Waking up is the hardest part.

Missing you is the hardest part.

Not understanding is the hardest part.

The lies are the hardest part.

The deceit is the hardest part.

The betrayal is the hardest part.

Reality is the hardest part.

The wondering is the hardest part.

Life without you is the hardest part.

Worrying is the hardest part.

The memories are the hardest part.

The days apart are the hardest part.

The sadness is the hardest part. 

The pain is the hardest part.

Everything and Everyday are the hardest part.

So let me ask you this. Is it worth it?

I dwell on it...

It hurts. Sometimes I forget. Then other times I dwell on it. This isn't easy.

The days no one asks are the easiest. The days your name comes up, brings out the anger, the sadness and disbelief. The days after brings it all back, the pain, the agony and torture. 

How do we get past this? Where do we go from here? How do we move on?

Nothing will be the same. Too much damage to go back to the way things were before.

The days I miss you are the hardest. The days I remember are the saddest. I wish it was easy to truly forget. That it could be easy to forgive.

You were supposed to always be there for me. I've spent my whole life looking up to you. Never Imagined this is where we'd end up.

It hurts. Sometimes I forget. Then the other times I dwell on it. This will never be easy.

The Honest Truth

I hate being alone.  And not because I can't be alone but for the sheer fact that it terrifies me. The truth is that I prefer being alone in my room but have a house full of people. There is a comfort in knowing that there is someone there when and if you need them.

So for the first time in a very long time I am all alone for more than just a day/night. While that wouldn't be so bad, except for the fact I am in an unknown city with only my husband, who I will follow to the end of the earth. But I hate being alone while he is out training. The worst is at night when all the scary sounds come out truth and the mind plays tricks.

I have have been staying up until I can't stay awake anymore. Watching Netflix...

It won't always be this way but for now I will learn to not be afraid of being alone because my husband needs that from me.

With Honesty,
Kathleen Marie

Life Always Needs Some Sparkle

I have a confession. I am totally and completely in love with these awesome head bands. They are so very amazing!  My awesome friend who is a fitness guru, turned me onto them and since I trust her completely with pretty much anything, I gave them a shot! I am very pleased that I did! 

While I am only starting on my fitness journey, I have to say that these headbands are definitely a must for any athlete or fitness enthusiast. They are non-slip, no headache, no pinch headbands. They are Sparkly Soul Headbands!!!! 

Sparkly Soul: Where do you find your Sparkle? Where do you find your soul?

Directly from their website (www.sparklysoul.com):

"Sparkly Soul Headbands are no headache and no slip....yes, REALLY no headache and no slip. Our patent pending design makes certain that your headbands stay in place - no matter how intense your sports or fitness activity.

• Sparkle all around - 360° of sparkle
• 2 widths: 3/8 and 5/8
• Entire band is elastic
• One size fits all adults. Also, fits kids ages 5 and up."

I only have a few headbands myself but as I can I am building my collection. I have tried both the thin and the wide headbands, I have found with my head shape and hair type, that the thin ones work best for my hair. I have thin fine short hair. So definitely the thin works best for me, but I do love my wide ones, they work fantastically for when I am riding on the back of my hubby's Motorcycle, it holds back my bangs, so I don't have to use bobby pins that stab my scalp in my helmet.  So they are very versatile, I even wear them to work! 

My small but very sparkly collection!

Everyday needs a little Sparkly or a lot! It's up to you! Check out www.sparklysoul.com for more information! Follow them on twitter: @SPARKLYSOULINC and like their Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/sparklysoulinc

Totally in love

Kathleen Marie

The Wonders of Life

I am not the most eloquent speaker. I sometimes talk in circles. But I am very passionate.

I am one of those people who loves wholly and unconditionally, people and things alike. I forgive people as quickly as I can because I know that holding onto the pain and anger of being hurt is far worse than forgiving. They say that forgiving people is freeing yourself and I agree.  I look for the good in everyone, because everyone has good in them. I see things in a positive light because negativity takes up too much space.

There are days and times when the negativity sinks in and I have to remind myself that I don't like to be that way. I am a positive person at heart but that doesn't mean that I don't get down because things are looking very bleak. It makes me human and I have to remember that at all times. We are all humans, we all make mistakes and things get to us.

I do my best to live life to the fullest. Sometimes it doesn't always feel that way. But then I look around and see that I am. I have a wonderful husband, family and friends, and just because I don't go out to do things all the time but spend some wonderful quality time with my husband is still living life to the fullest.

I am not the most eloquent speaker. I sometimes talk in circles. But I am passionate.  Remember that life is is how you make it and then remember that you are human, with the ability to fall short in all sorts of categories.

Be blessed in all things,
Kathleen Marie